What do you think when you hear the word intimacy? You can evoke images of sexy lingerie, a deep soul mate or an emotional, sexual relationship. Sure, they can refer to all of these aspects, but the full meaning of intimacy is much higher than that. In our relationships, whether marriages, long-term relationships, exclusive partnerships or intimate dating experiences, real intimacy is often lacking.
When intimacy is lacking in the relationship, we get this dark and lonely feeling. Do you know the person with whom you sit alone to sit next to your partner? No one wants to feel empty, so although intimacy requires some work to achieve, it’s worth the effort.
Open communication, vulnerability, transparency, and reciprocity are required to achieve intimacy. It requires leaving our partner in our hearts and minds. Since we all have thoughts and feelings that we do not even accept in ourselves, it seems to be an extension of sharing many of these shameful ideas with others.
We often think that our loved ones might think of us if we are very honest. These results reveal very little about our true nature.
Disclosing personal information in a romantic or sexual context is essential, but being intimate implies much more. It requires the transfer of our ideas about everything, including negative points of view. Sharing how you like to get in touch is an example of open communication.
Another is to tell your partner in a respectful way how you will appreciate it if he or she will deliver the clothes, instead of doing it yourself and saying something.
Speaking calmly and safely is very assertive and forceful. How many of you choose instead of “choose your battles” and do not deserve to talk?
When our partners know only part of our personality, they can love us in part, which makes us intensely aware that they can leave us or love us less. This kind of thinking keeps us trapped in unsatisfactory relationships and often leads to the end of the relationship. By sharing our ideas directly and honestly, we can create an intimate bond strong enough to rekindle or maintain our relationship.
Since we can only feel constant familiarity when our partner knows us at a deep level, we often believe that this means we must share our secrets. That is not necessary and is not recommended. We all need a place in this special for us, so we do not share it with anyone else, a unique sacred space.
However, outside of this, there is so much that we stay out of fear that we will be condemned to force, or even ridiculed to the left.
Fortunately, these fears are mostly unfounded. Sharing the aspects of ourselves that we are ashamed of has the opposite effect that we think it will do. Being weak enough to reveal things, we feel stupid or embarrassed to create real closeness to others if done in the right context.
The reason for this is that we all have very similar negative ideas. Most likely, when this situation arises, your partner will only focus on other critical areas of your life. Instead of feeling careless, we can choose to use this time to participate in our interests and activities.